To be fair, the only reason I went and saw this movie was because I thought the poster was cool.
Yeah, I knew that Zack Snyder’s previous work included “digital spectacle” 300, but this had pretty much nothing to do with my choice of said film. My desire to see Sucker Punch had everything to do with the fact that the poster looked like some sort of sexy combination of a MAC Cosmetics ad and a live action version of Sailor Moon. I had an inkling that there would be a lot of complex action sequences (because just about every movie in the UNIVERSE, unless it stars Julia Roberts, needs an action sequence).
That’s pretty much everything I went into this movie with.
And, to be fair, what Sucker Punch does deliver, in SPADES, is plenteous action (fighting of all kinds, with robots, dragons, metal samurai, steam-powered-WWII soldiers and gargoyles), eye make up (false eyelashes and enough eyeliner to sink a ship), and sailor outfits (of skirt lengths varying from panty-high to 1 inch south of panty-high).
What Sucker Punch does not deliver, in any way shape or form, is any of the above in any sequence that makes any sense.
And this I can’t help but find... annoying.
SEMI SPOILER ALERT - NOT THAT IT MATTERS BECAUSE THE WHOLE THING IS A MESS
Quickly summed up: The inventively-monikered main character, BABY DOLL (first name BABY, last name DOLL?) is a twenty-something who still, for reasons untold, lives with her abusive/homicidal stepfather, until said stepfather kills her sister and then somehow manages to have BABY DOLL committed to an insane asylum for said murder (an asylum that apparently only treats sexy twenty year olds). Once there, Baby Doll overhears her stepfather’s plot to have her lobotomized in 5 days.
Of course, she can’t help but overhear said plot, because she’s passively standing RIGHT THERE when said plot is set.
At this point, the film dramatically shifts (that’s the only word I can think of that makes sense but SHIFT is a bit of a dramatic understatement) from its insane asylum setting to a vaguely retro burlesque house. The patients are now dancers/sex workers, who must seemingly spend hours at the barre practicing for their exotic routines (which apparently involve both practice and elaborate costumes and sets). Baby Doll, it turns out, is an especially gifted dancer, whose elaborate (slutty? evocative?) moves put men in some sort of spellbound trance (men and lesbians I’m guessing). Of course we never see these routines, because as soon as Baby Doll STARTS to dance we’re shifted (via eyelash close up) into yet another parallel universe where Baby Doll is an ass-kicking assassin in various WWII-esque worlds full of knarly pawns which are easily destroyed (and never bleed - with very few exceptions no one bleeds or bruises in this movie).
So, Baby Doll must FIGHT for her freedom, although apparently not in any way that manifests in the real world that we get to see. In both the imaginary imaginary and real imaginary world, she gathers the tools for her and her fellow dancers’ freedom.
Hilariously, despite the fact that Sucker Punch is basically a BUDWIESER/VICTORIA SECRET AD disguised as a movie, under scrutiny it passes the BECHDEL TEST.
1. Has to have at least two women in it
2. Who talk to each other
3. About something besides a man
The main characters, mostly female, are ass-kicking women who, while scantily clad, certainly have stuff to talk about aside from men (ie: escape for the burlesque house/mental institution). It’s a bare pass but I’m going to count it as a pass. Yes, TRUE, they’re either in the kitchen in their leotards and heels scrubbing pots or they're in leather and heels samuri-swording aliens, but it’s still pretty awesome to see women wielding weapons as a main stay of action (there’s almost no men in any of the fight scenes, aside from the Wise Man (played by Scott Glenn) who’s really only there to drop them off armed with a little fortune cookie wisdom).
Maybe that’s why I found, and still find, the faults of Sucker Punch so annoying. Because if the plot made just a little more sense it would have been an AMAZING movie. I can’t help but think the Burlesque component was added in an effort to soften or counter the action scenes. Whose ever idea this was needs to fall on their sword. Seriously. To the person in charge of this plot twist I say, DON’T MAKE THEM ALL DANCERS IF YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO SHOW ANYONE DANCING.
You know? It's like they're all jockeys or potters or gymnasts. But you never see a horse, pot or tumble. WTF.
If you’re going to throw millions of dollars at a film making women look cool fighting various creatures that shatter in such spectacular fashion, why not also throw a couple bucks in the direction of someone who can make the sequences that lead TO the action make sense?
That is all.
Except to say: See this movie with friends with the understanding that you are going to watch ass kicking. Buy the soundtrack, because even though the actual time period of music doesn’t match up in any way with the setting of the film, the remixes are cool (cool if you liked the MATRIX soundtrack especially).
